Having a random hookup so left but love u
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
