If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
