Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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