and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
