That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
