tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
