is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I faked an abortion last night.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
