No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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