I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
