you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
