I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
