i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
God, you're like boner-b-gone
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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