He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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