I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
