I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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