He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
