You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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