just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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