rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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