so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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