i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm too high and old for this...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
