So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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