I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
