kristin has been a bad kristin
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
