life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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