I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
