We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
