He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
