I am puke
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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