As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Your penis caused this!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
