Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
