If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
