I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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