Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
