WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
