Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize