i think my tv is drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
