Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
