dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Randomize
