she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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