i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
