so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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