Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
