he referred to my room as the tit cave...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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