Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
