I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
