dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
