Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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