We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
