i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
