oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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