I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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