No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
