in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
