Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
