i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
