I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
