Define "chronic" masturbator.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
