ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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