Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
